I have issues and this is just one of them

I am done running.
After 4 years of running, I ended up at the same spot.
Nothing's changed,  I'm not any stronger but I have became more pathetic.
I am staying here even if I fail.

I was once told that I own a jar of hearts.
It's a funny situation when my own heart is broken,perhaps beyond repair.
It easier to break your own heart and keep it on a low.
To ensure that someone else could find their happiness.

Many things in life doesn't go how we want it to.
No matter how much we tried or put up with it, it just doesn't turn out to be the way we wanted it.

I have put my heart and head into moving on but I am still here, at the same point where I left years ago.
I thought by saying aloud : I do not need you anymore, you mean nothing to me, you do not matter, I am fine. I have moved on.
Those words are the worst one could ever have to say to make anyone feel better about about themselves.
Sometimes, there is just a need to be the bad person in the picture.
Its a double blade sword but one hurts deeper than the other and the sword remains with that person.

Immature love, naive dreams and being hopeful.
That's youth.
I have missed it all by trying to be a adult when I should be acting recklessly and having fun.

Here is where I leave you.
Buried deep in me, your name appears amongst the others before you.
A long list of ex-crushes/lovers.

How I wished I could seal my heart shut and not feel hurt anymore.
How unfair is the world !

When I said I have moved on that was " watashi no uso ".
I thought it was the truth but I realise afterwards.

Always putting others above me, typical.
So typical, it just another stab in the heart, what's the difference ?

So here I am, staying put.
Tempted to put it all into a corner and put a lit on it.