Better in time ?

I miss you.
I am at a loss, I do not know how to deal with my feelings.
I wonder how you are doing.

I wonder if you are eating well, sleeping well, drinking enough water.
I wonder if I should continue to put stuff in your pigeonhole.
Are my actions suffocating you ?
Am I annoying you ?
Should I just disappear all together ?
Or should I preserve and hope for nothing in return ?

Perhaps I should,
Continue loving you without you knowing, from a distance.

Loving you was a choice, continuing to love you was not optional.

watashi wa anata ni aitaku naru

End

To love someone that's unavailable is like walking around with a blade through you heart.

Everytime you see the person, the blade sinks further into your flesh.

Bleeding out, the end is nothing but a  slow and painful death. Oddly, with a smile on my face because that's all I wanted was to see your face.

Pulling the blade out now and seeking for help is a cry that none can hear.
It's pointless, I was doomed from day one.

For once in my life, I was ready to do everything and whatever in my might to pursue the person I love.

Loving someone is a great feeling.
But receiving back that love is everything.

So here I am, with a blade in my chest, waiting for the end to come.

Dear Hoocat,

Loving with an open hand.

To love and not expect anything in return. 

My heart aches.  

I wonder have you figured out anything yet ?

What the purpose of us meeting ?

I still have strong feelings for you. 

I know you dont. 

I knew from the start that it was impossible.

14th of February, I would give you a parting gift.
After that day, I shall slowly disappear. 

I love you but I am afraid that's all I can do. 

Setting you free. 

You never meant to be weighed down by me anyway. 

Good Bye Hoocat. 

Perhaps, we could have been a possible in another parallel universe. 

Wishing you all the best, 

little meow signing off 

not that you will ever really know how I feel since you are so insensitive.
There goes another piece of my heart.

Stagnant

One step forward, 3 steps back.
I wore my heart on my sleeves.
I received some form of love and affection.
When you love someone truthfully, nothing else matter.

What should you do when you fall in love with someone who is in a committed relationship ? 

Choices:

1) Walk away, without trying

2) Try to win her over

I shan't reveal my answer.

My choice would not make any difference.

The result would have been the same anyway.

Did i just bring forward the expiration date ?

In the deep

I got 2 problems in life now.

I am not too sure if I am in the correct career path.

I do not know if I am in my right mind for falling for someone who is currently not available and would likely be unavailable for the future.

Diving in despite being fully aware.

It’s not just stupidity, its insanity.

I have always been a believer in hard work pays off.

Train hard, work hard and you will most likely be rewarded for your efforts.

I have been giving my all be it relationships or career.

Where did that leave me ?

Feeling trapped in a job that I feel so lost in.

Being in love with someone who does not give much care about how I feel.

Rock bottom does not even describe where I am right now.

But still I long to hear her voice, see her face and be with her.

Why bother living life when the end already been decided.

We will die at the end.

So why fear death? Why not welcome It with open arms ?